Kicking and Screaming

If it were socially acceptable to be doing that right now I would be.

But it's not.  

So enjoy these pictures because they are cute. 

And these are the ones I only love a lot...not the ones I love TON (I am keeping those for later)

It amazes me that a midwest girl like me has such an ocean baby...
we couldn't keep him out of the water.  

TSUNAMI!! Updated

Update:
That's right I am putting the update before the main text of the blog.  Why?  Because I can and I feel like it.
The tsunami never really tsunami-ed.  As in it was more like a really elaborate drill.  The water levels did change in a few spots around the island, but no more than when we get high tides or big surf.  So it's all good.  No go read the rest of the entry and see if you can pick up on my craziness...



This time last year we joined thousands of people in downtown Waikiki to participate in THE biggest party of the year for Halloween.  Costumes, dancing, fun, and a babysitter employed until 3 in the morning...this year is a different story.

The tsunami sirens started around 8pm.

It's funny, kind of.  This is our second time going through a tsunami.   I am markedly less panicked.  Sort of.  Mostly.  Really, I am fine.

It's funny how similarly this time around has gone as compared to last time.
Last time I was at my neighbors watching a movie until she got a call from a concerned family member.  This time we were watching Halloween movies with the boys and had no idea until our on-island friend called us.
Last time as soon as we knew I tried calling our family and encountered difficulty grabbing and keeping a signal.  This time it took me 20 minutes of trying to get through to my mom.
Last time, the boys slept through the sirens and me running around packing in case we had to go.  This time they are sleeping through it again.
Last time the tsunami, for the majority of this island, was nothing.  HOPEFULLY it is the same this time around too.

The nice thing is that Andy is home.  And (bonus!) Jeff is here, too.  And we don't live on the water any more.  We live 1/5 of the way up a mountain.  So that's cool.

But I am still jittery.
And the guys are both making fun of me for going into my "freak out" mode...albeit they have no clue how mellow this freak out is.
So I am parked on my couch, glass of champagne in hand (don't judge, we toasted Saturday night and Andy being home for a disaster for a change), watching the local news (totally ignoring CNN, by the way--drama queens) and being glad I am not downtown, glad I do not have a reason to be on the interstate, and glad I am not questioning if we should be evacuating.

If I think about the "what if's" too hard, I get all tight chested.  In fact, I am living the inverse of one of those chest crushing scenarios--being separated from my children.  All of my babies are tucked safely in bed...plus one.  We are hosting one of Matt's best friends overnight.  His parents live in our old neighborhood.  His mom and I have been in contact (over Facebook since the cell towers are swamped), but I know she must be a little worried.

But it's all good.  The first waves are set to hit in about half an hour.  I am sure it will be fine.  If it isn't, the real impact won't be felt by our ohana for a few more hours yet.  It will be the lasting effects that will make a difference: food, water, electricity type impacts.  But we are praying it is fine.  That we get an all clear with no major (or even minor) damage.

Em's First Swim

I have about five minutes to write/upload pics and Em is hollering a bit so forgive this being short but sweet!

Last week Em got his first experience in non-bath water.  He enjoyed the ocean and pics of that are coming at some point (Christmas card spoiler alert) but yesterday we took Em to "swim" for the first time at the neighborhood pool.
He really wanted to like it.  He loves the bath and even shower.  However I think the cold water and wearing a swim suit and rash guard confused/angered him.  He lasted about five minutes then was done.
Here are some before, during, and after swim pics...

Ready to go! 

It was bright out...he's not sleeping, just hiding his eyes.

Not quite enjoying it.  Full lip pout!

So sleepy after his swim!

October 23rd

Every year on this date I make a lemon meringue pie.

Sometimes I cry a little when I roll out the dough or whip up the egg whites.
Usually I smile when I am stirring the filling, waiting for it to boil.
I always say a "thank you" to God and the universe for blessing me with 28 years spent with an amazing lady.

My Gram passed away three years ago today.
The grief isn't as raw now.  It isn't as blunt punch to the gut when I remember.  I am able to think about fun and happy moments now without a flood of tears.  I can talk about her, tell stories that make me laugh, tell my children about her, sing the songs she sang to her grandchildren (and her own children, too, I suppose) to my children without overwhelming sadness.
But it still stings.  It still makes me sad to know she really is gone.  To think she won't hold or rock my Emerson.  To not be able to share my life's adventures with her.  To know her chair in the kitchen is empty.

I make a pie every year on the anniversary of her passing as a way to remember her and share her awesomeness with others.
The recipe I use is hers.
The basic list of ingredients and instructions written down in her hand writing.  The same handwriting that adorns my left forearm and reminds me every day of the love that surrounds me.
The first time I made the pie, a year before she passed when I was in the mood for it and knew I wouldn't be home for her to make it for me, the meringue slid off the filling.  I called her and asked what happened.  "Patience" she said.  I had to let the filling cool.
The second time I made the pie, the meringue didn't set.  I called her, it was the summer before she passed, and asked her what happened.  "Patience" she said again.  I did not beat the egg whites long enough before adding the sugar.
When I made the pie on the first anniversary of her passing it turned out beautiful.  And I burst into tears as I cut into it because I could not call her to share my happiness over getting it right.
But this year, as I rolled the crust, let it cool, stirred the filling, let it cool, whipped the egg whites to just the right stiffness then added the sugar slowly, spooned the meringue onto the top of the filling--working from the outside in, and watched as the oven browned the meringue to toasty perfection, I practiced patience.  And thanked my Gram for that lesson.  Not just as it applies to pie, but life.

Life happens on it's own time, regardless of our intention and agenda.  We have to be patient.  We have to have grace.  And we have to have love.
I thank my Gram for demonstrating all of that in the years I had with her.  For being an example.
I am going to enjoy the pie I made this evening.  And my family will, too.  We will talk about Gram (or GG as the boys call her).  And maybe I will pull out some pictures of her. I will remember her today...and let the grief get washed over by love and grace.  And know I will see her again.

Maybe we can make a pie together.  With plenty of patience.

Gram and Matt on our first trip with him to Rockford

Gram with Nic on our first trip back with him to Rockford

At my baby shower for Matthew.  

The last Christmas we had together.  The quilt is a collaboration of all the grandkids and great grand kids at the time.  Each square is a favorite memory and hand painted by each one of the grandkids.

Hit the ground running

Today I pulled the boys out of school early.  I rarely, RARELY do that.  I promise.
But the boat came in today.  And it might be the last time the boys have a chance to see Andy come up top on the bridge.  So I took them to the point at Hickam to see the boat come home.  The boys waved, ran along the grass, shouted across the water to their waving daddy.  I walked along with Em in the Bjorn carrier.  Pacing myself.  Trying to fight the urge to let my mind run as fast as the boys, wild with planning the next X number of days.

My military friends can relate perfectly, they have lived it.  Sometimes they are my sisters in deployment, other times they are my shoulders and feet and hands helping get through while their loved ones are home, and other times I am that person for them.  However it works out, if I posed the following question to any one of them they could answer based on experience.  It's a unique and lovely and a little bit awful thing.
The question: if you knew you only had X number of days before your loved one was gone for X months what would you fill your days with?

Would you pack your days with going places and doing things and staying up late?
Would you go about life as usual?  School days and homework, grocery store and laundry?
Would you struggle to find the balance between the extremes?

It was so hard today, and will continue to be hard, to not plan, plan, plan and try to pack the X days with as much as we can and never sleep and cook all his favorites and keep the boys with us and ignore everyone and everything else in the world except our.little.family.  It is so hard to have that constant countdown in my head...days and hours and sleeps and duty nights...until we stand at the point again, waving goodbye.  It is hard not to get overwhelmed with the sadness thinking about the X months without.  Separated.  Hard not to let the bitter over take the sweet of these coming days.

It isn't a matter of being nervous of my ability to handle the deployment.  I have an awesome support system with my island ohana, my brother in law, a bunch of friends both Navy and civilian across the world, and a family back home that is beyond measure of awesomeness.

I am just going to miss the crap out of my husband.  And I know the boys are going to miss their daddy beyond what their little hearts can convey.  So I want the next X days to be full of memories.  Good ones.  Enough to last the time he is gone.  Enough fun and togetherness to patch through major holidays.  Enough love felt and hugged and cuddled to keep us from sadness.
I know that's not possible.  I know there will be lonely and sad moments.  For me and for the boys.  I know I cannot pack enough in to keep all that away.

So I am trying to keep the pace my family sets.  To go with the flow.
I won't pull the boys out of school or let them slack on their homework.
I won't neglect my job.
I will keep my children and self in clean clothing.
I will enjoy the moments.  And try my best not to be sad.
I will fill the X days we have together with as many smiles and laughs and good as I can without stressing and  forgetting to sleep.
And when we wave goodbye, I will run along with my kiddos, and shout across the water, and start counting down again.

EEE! Cue the 3+ Month Long Jeopardy Music!

This morning I looked at a list of possible places to live after this Spring.
There is no where listed that I wouldn't like to be...(ok, maybe one)
There are a few places I would LOVE to be...
And now I get to be a crazy waiting person until we find out (which won't be for, like, ever, so asking is silly).


No, really, asking me is silly.
I am not sharing the possible places or our "wish list" for a reason.  And it is not just because I am a jerk.  I mean, I am a jerk, but I am not sharing mostly because as with any thing in the Navy there are no guarantees.  And as much as I can hope for one place or another, and Andy can hope for completely opposite places, Andy will get sent where the Navy best sees him being useful.  And the boys and I will follow.  Because that's what we do.


In the meantime, I am sure Andy and I will be having lots of discussions.  I will be crazy waiting to hear.  Or not.  Because I don't have any control over where we go or when we find out.  I only have to be ready to hit the ground running when we do get orders.  So maybe I will just sit back and relax the next little bit while we wait.





...hahahahahahahahahahaha, right.  :)

Have Lost My Mind?

Seriously.
What am I doing?

Jumping in to a new position before most post-partum mommas return to work.
That's what I am doing.  And I am feeling only mildly judged for that.

Starting a new job after making the decision in April of last year not to return to my much loved preschool teaching position because I wanted to spend time with the baby and not have him away from me for the four hours a day/four days per week the job required.
That's what I am doing.  And I totally miss the awesome people I worked with.

Finding a way to work 20+ hours a week from home and away from home while keeping connected to my baby and leaving him with his amazing and helpful uncle less than 7 of those hours.
That's what I am doing.  And I could not, would not be able to juggle this without Jeff's help.

Trying to figure out how to work, mother an infant, mother my Big Boys, keep my house clean and fridge full.
That's what I am doing.  And kicking rear-end, in my humble assessment, at everything except the housework.

Working at a Navy Chapel as director of education...which means I get to (mostly) hang out with kids and (hopefully) give them a positive church experience.
That's what I am doing.  And I pray that I can help them see the joy and grace that is God's blessing to us.

Planning events and Christmas pageants and fun stuff.
That's what I am doing.  And I get to have my bestie Karen right along with me for the adventure.

Being bossy...in a nice and graceful way.
That's what I am doing.  And I like to be bossy.

I only wonder about my sanity and capability about half the time.

Cooking with the Big Boys

So we have taken to refering to Matt and Nic as "the Big Boys" and Em as "the Baby" at our house.  It works for generalities when the Big Boys are doing something together.
Like the Big Boys are at school.
Or the Big Boys need to take showers tonight.

Or, as has been the case more and more lately, the Big Boys are fixing their breakfast or lunch.

The Big Boys have been cooking.  As my schedule has had to accommodate taking care of (nursing, changing, soothing) Emerson as well as the house work and a new job (yes, for real, I am back to work but more on that in another post), the Big Boys have had to take on more responsibility and independence.  I feel a little guilty about this.  But they LOVE LOVE LOVE cooking.  So I have made an effort to teach them how to make simple foods and try new things.

Please note, these are not always the healthiest of foods.  As is the case with "convenience foods", the sugar and fat content can be high and nutrition value low.  But, if they can make some Eggo waffles to go with their cereal in the mornings, cool.  Or if they can pop some microwave popcorn for an afternoon snack, awesome.  Even if the pb&j's they make are heavy on the jelly, it's still a full tummy when they add in the apples and carrots.

Once they "master" their "dish", I allow them to try adding in new things.  If the original foods were a teeny bit on the unhealthy side, the Big Boy's creations are waaaaaaaaaaay past unhealthy and some are borderline puke inducing.  We discuss what they made and ways to make it better aka healthier.
So let me share some of the Big Boy's gems with you.  Please note, all names are original and were thought up by the Big Boy's...
-The Exploded Tie Fighter: vanilla yogurt with crushed up granola bar and fruit snacks
-The Exploded At-At Walker: flavored yogurt (usually from a go-gurt tube) with yogurt covered raisins and sprinkles
-Delicious Peanut butter Sandwich: made with peanut butter, a chocolate nature's valley granola bar, and chocolate syrup.
-Matt's Waffles: Eggo's with syrup...in every square.
-Sugar Sandwich: peanut butter sandwich with brown sugar.

They do not eat these things everyday.  And the sugar sandwich has been banned.  But it's fun for them to mess around in the kitchen.  It's fun for me to see what they come up with.  And it's fun to share cooking with the Big Boys.  I am working on finding easy, healthy recipes to teach them. However, every once in a while I like to eat junky food, too.
Case and point:

Corn dog brownies.

Delicious.

Happy Six Weeks Em

I cannot believe that my littlest boy is six weeks old.  It's gone by in a blur.  Sure, our family has had a few things going on, but I have never lived six-weeks so seemingly quick.  
But back to Em.
He's amazing.
I know I say that about all my kiddos (and mean it).  So it isn't surprising that Emerson is as sweet and lovely as he is.
He loves his brothers.  I cannot even describe the happiness that his face shows when he hears or sees Matt or Nic.  Matt is happy to have long, meaningful staring contests.  Nic sings him lullabies and shares his most beloved turtle.  The first coos and communicative sighs were bestowed on his brothers one morning as we all snuggled in bed.
And yes, our Emerson is chatty.  Late, late night seems to be his favorite time to have long conversations.  And I am not one to dissuade him.  So we are usually up until 12 or 1.  Just talking and smiling at each other.    It makes to mornings a little slower.  And the coffee craving a lot stronger.  But it's worth it.  I know as he gets older I am going to have to be a little firmer about schedules and bedtime.  So I will soak it up.
I feel bad for Andy.  He is missing this precious time.  He gets a few days here and there.  And of course our last Bad fish (the boat's nickname) deployment is looming.  But Emerson won't remember daddy being gone.  And I am taking a ridiculous amount of pictures and videos to bombard his civilian email with when he's deployed.  And when Andy is home, he is a baby hog.  Which is fine, and kind of lovely.  And Emerson is as  in love with Andy as Andy is with him.  It's kind of ridiculous the way they look at each other.  It makes my heart ache with love.  Seriously.

 This is how we say our goodnights.

 Showing some submariner pride.

 Nursing ninja.

 Early morning conversation.

 On his 6-week birthday.

Blocking the paparazzi.  He was seriously irritated with me.

Saturday Adventure: Waikiki Aquarium & Zippy's

 We have lived here over two and a half years and had not visited the local aquarium.  I had heard mixed reviews but today needed adventure so we set out for the insanity of Waikiki on a Saturday.  We almost didn't make it into the aquarium, parking was outrageously impossible, but thanks to a keen eye and patience, we scored a spot and headed in. 

 Em was not as excited as his brothers and spent the time sleeping snuggled up in the Bjorn carrier.

 I wish the pic was clearer/brighter.  But this is a dark blue (nearly black) fish with bright orange, fang-like teeth.  So weird but so cool.

 Jellies. Still my favorites.

 Happy dudes.

 Nic meeting up with the cousin of the eel that got him.

 Making pressed pennies.  Fun fact: the boys have a dozen and a half or so of these.  Fun and cheap!

Jeff enjoying his first taste of Zippy's (local fast food place).