Last month I hosted a baby shower for a sweet friend.  I had a blast hosting.  A very talented friend took pics at the shower and here are some of my fave shots...

My last blog was all about how someone in our house is always sick or injured.

That is still true.

Monday night/Tuesday morning Nic and I spent 9 hours in the ER after he knocked his noggin falling out of a playground climber.  I had no idea how awful head traumas could be, and even though his concussion is not bad by any medical measure, it still has him suffering nausea, headaches, and sleepiness.  

This afternoon I took the babies to their Doc.  Double ear infections.  For both of them.  I now have three bottles of antibiotics in my fridge for three different boys.

I am ready for a season of healthy.  Ready for everyone to be good. 

We have gotten the major sickies out of the way for the season and so should be good until Spring, right?  Isn't that how it works?

I know it isn't.  And I know several families close to us struggling through long-term diagnoses.  I will not take for granted that time and meds will fix up my babies just fine.  I will not take for granted that we have insurance that covers 99% of our doctors visits, ER visits, prescriptions, and have a nurse line to call with questions.  I will not take for granted all those good things and healthy times.

Having four kiddos means that probably we will have one kid sick most of the time.
Actually, I am going to count teething, runny noses, and headaches as "sick" so that I can confidently say four kiddos means that someone in our house is sick at any given time.
At the moment this is what we have going on in our house:
Nic has bronchitis/sinusitus.  His visit to urgent care on Sunday got him a confirmation of a nasty bug and a trio of meds.
Em woke up puking and has developed a stubborn and nasty fever (off to the doctor tomorrow morning).
Ande is teething (?) and running a low grade fever along with an acute case of the restless grumpies. He has also figured out that he can, if he wants, spit out any and all medicine.  Cool.
I spent last night on the couch with Em on puke watch.  Em does not sleep well any where but his bed, but that was airing out (ick, I know), so that he rested for five hours was pretty good.  He was at least good to cuddle and watch a movie while refusing to sleep.  Today I feel like I am constantly wiping noses and booties, chasing someone to get a temperature read, keeping track of who got what medication when and what and when they need again, cleaning (yay Lysol), and doing laundry.
Major respect for the nurses of the world.  Care taking is not my strong suit.  And any care taking involving vomit clean-up...nope.  Not where I excel.
It could be worse...we could all be sick.
Ugh.
Hopeful that the icks pass, that the Lysol kills the bugs and that the daily Thieves Oil mouth rinse keeps me healthy.

I have started, stopped, back-spaced, typed, deleted, and re-started this post several times this morning.

I am all jumbled up, don't know where to start or where to go once I get going.  So, where am I right now?

This morning...

-I am thankful for coffee, a happy baby (who slept all night), cuddly toddler (even though his cuddles are more like barrel rolls), sweet Big kids (who have finally nailed the morning routine), my Andy (who ordered an amazing coffee), my brother-in-law (amazing guy...even if he slurps his coffee).
*Side note:  I think I am  a bit coffee obsessed this morning.  With good reason, though.  I did some math (ok, not HARD math, but still some counting was involved) and figured out that for nearly three years I have had interrupted sleep and also been the source of food/nutrition for another little being. That's right...nearly three years of being preggo or nursing.  Bananas.  Totally deserve coffee for that. 

-I am homesick for Rockford, Honolulu, Lafayette and everywhere our family and friends are all at once.  Blessed to have lived so many lovely places and meet so many lovely people.  In a perfect world I would be able to pick my neighbors and we would all live in a cozy little town in a place that had all four seasons but also beaches and beautiful hikes where parades, farmers markets, art walks, and picnics happened at least once a month and schools were awesome.  If only.
-I am sad, noting the date, at the passage of time. Five years doesn't seem as long as it should.  I feel like we just said goodbye.  I thought of baking a lemon meringue pie, a small homage to a lady gone before any of us were ready.  But I think I would rather wait, and make one on a happier anniversary: her birthday.  I will look for birds today.  Maybe smile and wonder what she would think about the two lovies of mine she never met. Wonder what she would think about the two lovies she did know...five years older.  I did not think it was possible to feel the absence of a person like I feel her absence.  

-I feel like there are pieces of my heart all over.  And that is sad and happy and way more complex than I can try and figure out.

I am not any less jumbled.  But my coffee is gone.  And so is the happy baby; replaced with a tired and grouchy baby.  

This weekend I hosted a baby shower for a super sweet friend.  I got to hang out with some favorite ladies I had not seen in a while and meet some lovely friends of the momma-to-be's.  One of these friends commented that my house looked like a Pinterest Board.  Once I confirmed this was, in fact, a compliment I was totally flattered.  My house--a Pinterest Board!
But, here's the truth: if she had opened a closet (any closet) or a cabinet, or the laundry room door she would have seen more Pinterest "fails" than perfection.  And had she gone upstairs...wow.  Not at all Pinterest-y.
What my house looks like when we are having "company" versus what it looks like when we are actually living in it are completely different pictures of family life.
We are not tidy.  Any given day there is clean laundry sort of folded sort of sorted on the couch.  There are dirty socks and playground mulch on the floor.  Dishes are piled up.  The tables (both dining room AND kitchen) are covered with school projects, sticky breakfast remnants, and books.
While the vacuum is run every other day, the floor mopped as often and the bathrooms cleaned at least twice a week, I am betting you might think differently.
Six people, one house...mess.
But that is not the "picture" we put out to the world.  We super clean, hide the mess, sanitize the reality and show off how great the house looks.
It seems silly to do.  And I hope it doesn't make people think that we have it all together and live in this Pinterest perfect house.  I hope though, too, that if they ever paid a visit, unannounced, on a week day they wouldn't run screaming from the insanity that greets them.  

It has been five years since our little (well, not so little) Ohana spent Christmas back home in Illinois.  

Five years of Christmases spent establishing our own traditions as well as honoring those Andy and I grew up with.
Five years of adventures and good stories (like the one time we were beach camping and a tornado made it's way within a mile of us).  

Five years of good friends (like the Christmas we gave up on a second attempt at beach camping because there were more centipedes than people in our cabin and returned home to no dinner plans and ended up spending the evening with our very sweet and welcoming neighbor friends). 

Five years of family members visiting and enjoying some Aloha Christmas Spirit (we spent good times with my cousin one year and my mother-in-law another year).  

Five years.

That is kind of a long time.

This year we decided to make the trip home.  

It will be crazy.

And probably stressful.  Ok, no "probably", it WILL be stressful.

But the boys are ridiculously excited.
I am excited, too.

I am also a little sad.

A lot of the magical parts of Christmas I loved as a child and even grown-up are not the same.  For a Navy wife who has lived in 5 states, 7 houses, and spent 10 years making plans with the understanding that more than likely those plans will change, I am a big baby when it comes to things back home changing. 

I know change happens, people change, places change, I have changed.  I know that just because those changes have happened does not mean that Christmas is gone or not as special.  

Five years is a lot of time and a lot of room for change.

I will miss my Gram.  I have not had a Christmas back home without her.

I will miss the childish perception (that lasted well into my adult years) that families are always and being family means forgiving and living and giving grace.
These two changes make me the saddest.

So as I am prepping my to-do list, my shopping lists, and gathering up ideas to participate in my family's infamous Christmas Eve white elephant exchange, I am also trying to mourn those things that are gone, changed, not ever the same and be all done with that.  I want things to be good, happy, memorable when we are home so that the boys can have a Illinois BIG family Christmas to remember and talk about and try and convince us to do again next year. 

I want us to drive around town and see the lights.

I want us to go to the midnight Christmas service.

I want us to eat, and eat, and eat all of those special and delicious dishes that our families have perfected.

I want us to bundle up.  Throw snow balls.

I want us to sit by a fire and talk story with my cousins and aunts.

I want us to decorate sugar cookies.

I want the boys to see what a rowdy, loud house full of people they love sounds like.  And it is good to know, no matter what changes have happened in five years, that there will always be those loud, rowdy, loving people.

Matt made it through the night no problem.
It was a relief and lesson to me to re-the heck-lax.
And now he has a good story.
As much as we seem to be in the ER, I have to say I am incredibly thankful that we are rarely in the hospital.  My children are healthy.  Accident prone.  But healthy.  I cannot imagine being a parent of a significantly ill child.  I always try to be aware and thankful for my blessings and pray for those families out there who cannot count their children's good health as a blessing.