It has been five years since our little (well, not so little) Ohana spent Christmas back home in Illinois.  

Five years of Christmases spent establishing our own traditions as well as honoring those Andy and I grew up with.
Five years of adventures and good stories (like the one time we were beach camping and a tornado made it's way within a mile of us).  

Five years of good friends (like the Christmas we gave up on a second attempt at beach camping because there were more centipedes than people in our cabin and returned home to no dinner plans and ended up spending the evening with our very sweet and welcoming neighbor friends). 

Five years of family members visiting and enjoying some Aloha Christmas Spirit (we spent good times with my cousin one year and my mother-in-law another year).  

Five years.

That is kind of a long time.

This year we decided to make the trip home.  

It will be crazy.

And probably stressful.  Ok, no "probably", it WILL be stressful.

But the boys are ridiculously excited.
I am excited, too.

I am also a little sad.

A lot of the magical parts of Christmas I loved as a child and even grown-up are not the same.  For a Navy wife who has lived in 5 states, 7 houses, and spent 10 years making plans with the understanding that more than likely those plans will change, I am a big baby when it comes to things back home changing. 

I know change happens, people change, places change, I have changed.  I know that just because those changes have happened does not mean that Christmas is gone or not as special.  

Five years is a lot of time and a lot of room for change.

I will miss my Gram.  I have not had a Christmas back home without her.

I will miss the childish perception (that lasted well into my adult years) that families are always and being family means forgiving and living and giving grace.
These two changes make me the saddest.

So as I am prepping my to-do list, my shopping lists, and gathering up ideas to participate in my family's infamous Christmas Eve white elephant exchange, I am also trying to mourn those things that are gone, changed, not ever the same and be all done with that.  I want things to be good, happy, memorable when we are home so that the boys can have a Illinois BIG family Christmas to remember and talk about and try and convince us to do again next year. 

I want us to drive around town and see the lights.

I want us to go to the midnight Christmas service.

I want us to eat, and eat, and eat all of those special and delicious dishes that our families have perfected.

I want us to bundle up.  Throw snow balls.

I want us to sit by a fire and talk story with my cousins and aunts.

I want us to decorate sugar cookies.

I want the boys to see what a rowdy, loud house full of people they love sounds like.  And it is good to know, no matter what changes have happened in five years, that there will always be those loud, rowdy, loving people.