Sometimes being a parent sucks.
Andy and I take the hard line that we are not our children's pal, buddy or BFF. We are parents. Responsible for helping the little dudes grow into responsible and awesome adults. And sometimes that means we have to enforce the rules and hand out consequences.
I really hate the whole "consequences" part of parenting. I am not big on spanking...never have been. Not saying my children have never been spanked. They have. Just not often.
More often we enforce a system of consequences as our discipline. Didn't eat dinner? No dessert. Talk back? Time out with some writing work on how to appropriately express how you are feeling. Issues at school? In depth discussion on what happened, why it was wrong, and a plan for doing better. And then there is always manual labor: extra chores, dog doo duty, etc for those random times when they are just not making great choices. It can be difficult sometimes to find a consequence to fit an issue...but that's all trial and error.
And so is rule making at times. How much should we really expect from our eight year old? Six year old? Toddler? What can they understand of right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable? Does Matt have to hold a higher standard than Nic? Does Nic have the same expectations on him as Matt? How do I explain that Em is going to "get away" with more stuff because right now he is just learning? How does fairness come into play?
This is the area of parenting where I have the most doubts. Do I come down too hard on them? Expect too much? Am I setting them up to fail?
Tonight has been kind of rough. We have had some issues with the boys surrounding bedtime routine (specifically shower times, monkey business time wasting, and soap wasting--stuff I know I drove my parents nuts with). Last night, after a long discussion on our expectations for better behavior and choices, we handed out some pretty heavy consequences: no "Rudolph" movie, early bedtime, and sleeping in separate rooms. Today I tried to be very specific in what needed to happen to avoid those consequences. And today there was still monkey business time wasting going on. So, again tonight, there is no movie, early bedtimes, and separate sleeping. And it's killing me. Because I wonder if I made the consequences too harsh. Because Matt is madder than I have ever seen him. And Nic is sad. Should I have let it slide? Taken a more "hands on" approach to the whole routine of getting ready for bed? Sat in the bathroom with a timer?
I don't know. I don't like it.
I would rather be cuddled on the couch right now watching "Rudolph" with my two big kiddos.
Maybe tomorrow we will figure out what works.
Andy and I take the hard line that we are not our children's pal, buddy or BFF. We are parents. Responsible for helping the little dudes grow into responsible and awesome adults. And sometimes that means we have to enforce the rules and hand out consequences.
I really hate the whole "consequences" part of parenting. I am not big on spanking...never have been. Not saying my children have never been spanked. They have. Just not often.
More often we enforce a system of consequences as our discipline. Didn't eat dinner? No dessert. Talk back? Time out with some writing work on how to appropriately express how you are feeling. Issues at school? In depth discussion on what happened, why it was wrong, and a plan for doing better. And then there is always manual labor: extra chores, dog doo duty, etc for those random times when they are just not making great choices. It can be difficult sometimes to find a consequence to fit an issue...but that's all trial and error.
And so is rule making at times. How much should we really expect from our eight year old? Six year old? Toddler? What can they understand of right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable? Does Matt have to hold a higher standard than Nic? Does Nic have the same expectations on him as Matt? How do I explain that Em is going to "get away" with more stuff because right now he is just learning? How does fairness come into play?
This is the area of parenting where I have the most doubts. Do I come down too hard on them? Expect too much? Am I setting them up to fail?
Tonight has been kind of rough. We have had some issues with the boys surrounding bedtime routine (specifically shower times, monkey business time wasting, and soap wasting--stuff I know I drove my parents nuts with). Last night, after a long discussion on our expectations for better behavior and choices, we handed out some pretty heavy consequences: no "Rudolph" movie, early bedtime, and sleeping in separate rooms. Today I tried to be very specific in what needed to happen to avoid those consequences. And today there was still monkey business time wasting going on. So, again tonight, there is no movie, early bedtimes, and separate sleeping. And it's killing me. Because I wonder if I made the consequences too harsh. Because Matt is madder than I have ever seen him. And Nic is sad. Should I have let it slide? Taken a more "hands on" approach to the whole routine of getting ready for bed? Sat in the bathroom with a timer?
I don't know. I don't like it.
I would rather be cuddled on the couch right now watching "Rudolph" with my two big kiddos.
Maybe tomorrow we will figure out what works.
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